Katy on Wellbeing

Juicy Fun 2010 - part II

In the last post, I summarized what some of my friends are doing, or planning to do to make this year more juicy, fun, vibrant, and alive than last year.  Here is my own list.  It may not be necessary to do everything, all the time, but I bet it'll be fun to try!

This year, I desire to:

Physical

• Live deeper in my body purely for the pleasure of it (vs. for medical reasons or because "I should exercise").  At a minimum, belly dance classes and a 90 minute massage every month.
• Get strong again.
• Go kayaking.
  
• Wear bright, colorful, fun clothes -- oranges!  greens!  patterns!

Creative

• Write, write, write.
  
• Carry my camera everywhere.  And take a class on imaginative photoshopping.
• Dust off and resume my knitting project (a big, soft, purple scarf).
  
• Develop and teach my new Management Consulting MBA course at Ivey.
  
• Do more crafty things -- beading, painting, etc.

Social

• Say "YES" to more invitations, especially ones involving different people and unusual activities.
  
• Fall in love.  Big love.
• Get to know my friends and family in a deeper, more open-hearted way.
  

Experiential and Intellectual

• Attend workshops that interest me.  Richard Bartlett on Matrix Energetics in Fort Lauderdale in February.  SARK on creativity etc at Hollyhock in September.
  
• Actually read the Economist magazine that arrives at my home every week.  Generally stretch my reading in terms of breadth and depth.  Explore pet passions -- archeology, zoology, mythology.  Fascinate myself!
  
• Do a big cross-country road-trip.  Perhaps out east to the Maritimes, or down the west coast from Vancouver to San Diego.

Just reading over this list gives me a happy hum of anticipation.  Because I know I'm standing up for myself imaginatively, and making the creation of a joyful, juicy life a priority.  And even on the grayest and chilliest of January days, I have plenty to look forward to!

What are YOU going to do??

Juicy Fun 2010

Not that I have anything against "I'm going to get in shape / lose 20 lbs / be more productive" type of new year's resolutions.  Goodness knows, I always have a bunch myself.  But it's cold, damp and January.  What I really need is inspiration! 

What I really want to know is what people are doing to ensure that 2010 is more FUN than 2009. So I sent the following question out to some of my friends: "What do you plan to do (or what have you already starting doing) to make this year more FUN, RICH, INTERESTING, VIBRANT, JUICY and JOYFUL than last year?"  And here are their responses:

Being Creative

• Emphasize the creative.  For me it's sewing, knitting, needlepoint -- all with unique, one of a kind products in mind.  I give them to my local charity, hoping that someone shares my pleasure in the product, for a balance of form and function.
• I'm going to try new things!  Not just go to the movies every 10 minutes.  I'm going to check out the theater and explore the city.  Get out of my usual habits and comfort zone.
• I'm opening the pathway to joy!  I'm in the midst of a MAJOR paper purge with all of the things I pulled from storage from my 3-1/2 years in NYC as a writer.  My intention is to let go of the past so I can take hold of my future by living in the present.  Simplifying to enjoy my life.  Clearing space for all my good to flow in.

Getting Out and About

• A long time ago, my wife and I decided we'd take our elder daughter to Paris when she turned 10.  I won't be the last man in love with her to take her to Paris, but I will be the first.  Now it has turned into a family trip.  So .... fun: plane trip .... rich: the Mona Lisa .... vibrant: strolling along the Champs d'Elysees .... juicy: picnic of baguette and cheese in the gardens of Versailles .... joyful: seeing the faces of all my girls as they look over Paris from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
  
• I am excited to reconnect with the magic that is the Pacific Ocean.  Exploring tide pools, birdwatching, seeing otters and porpoises play and whales migrate.  I find the ocean soothing and it's constantly changing, so you never have the same experience twice.  Amazing!
• I plan to travel to Belize and snorkel with my kids and hubbie, ride my bike from Perth to Kingston with a group of powerful women, and spend quality time with family and friends.
  
• I'm attending new events, charities, and meetings for both social and business reasons.  I was asked to be on the board of a start-up company by someone I met at Duke in November.  The board includes people from leading companies such as Google, as well as leading e-commerce technology firms.
  
• I have a list of the best restaurants in what will be my new city.  Every month, I will go to one of those restaurants, and also to a cultural event.  I will also find a reading group and a writing group (both things I already do).  And I hope to dip my toes in the Caribbean .... we're thinking in March ....
• I'm going to make a list of all the adventures I want to have, and when I might do them, and start going down the list.  In 2010 I want to sky-dive!  Every time I see someone jumping out of a plane, I want to do it myself.  I also want to get back to the sports I do for fun, like ju-jitsu.

Cherishing Friends and Family

• We are going to do a family triathalon, maybe several -- train together, tri together, share the moment and the fun
• Finding a really unique gift for our baby brother's 40th birthday -- something that really says 1970 (not bell-bottoms!)
  
• Spending time with my family, enjoying my new job, good meals with friends, and some camping will probably do it for me this year!
  
• Cherishing relationships with our Sister Goddess Group and family, as well as those who are supportive of my goals in building my business.

Flirting, and More

• Tonight at dinner with a girlfriend, I decided to censor myself less with men.  Like our waiter, who I thought was really handsome.  When he asked us what we wanted for dessert, what I wanted to say was, "I'll have a slice of YOU.  With a little chocolate sauce, please."  Of course, I didn't.  But I did get a little flirtier with him, and I'm pretty sure I got "the look" a few times.  Hmmm.  Yep.  I'm gonna start living dangerously and saying whatever comes to mind when I'm around attractive men. Propriety be damned.
• I'm going to resume flirting with my husband, and keeping him juicy.  It's amazing to me that I always need to take the lead and maintain the positive tone at home, but it's worth it, since whenever I stop things get very stale.
• As a single woman now 38 years old, I have always subjected myself to this invisible pressure about what love and my life "should" look like and how that would unfold.  I've decided to give up that pressure for 2010 (and beyond).  So I plan to say YES to love where I find it, or where it finds me!  What I mean is welcoming ALL kinds of love into my life, making more time for friends, family, myself, and not pushing that all out of the way to hold space for something I don't even know what it looks like yet!  I've decided to experiment with the idea that as romantic love comes to me, all that other love is the soil it needs to grow into the kind of relationship I really desire.

Taking Special Care of Themselves

• My long-time modus operandi has been to reach for food or drink as a means of temporary relief or escape, but I am so tired of the way it makes me feel!  This year I am committed to exploring options that make me feel good instead of choosing the comfort and numbing and safety of what I know so well.  E.g. taking time out to exercise during the day then coming back refreshed, taking a break from caffeine and sugar.  I am so excited to see how these new choices create expansion in all areas of my life as I become more present, positive and have more energy.
• I need to pay attention to staying juicy.  I'm going to schedule a pleasure event weekly, which is a radical move for me.  The event might be a massage, or spending some time shopping for clothes, since I like to wear interesting, flattering things, but I never have time to look around for them.
• This year I am committed to equilibrium in all things.  Balance brings more pleasure in all areas, and requires a commitment to SELF which is something that I've been unwilling or too lazy to achieve.  I trust that as I become more comfortable with this process, I won't feel hesitant to say that my choice is for SELF and not simply for balance!
  
• One thing I plan to do is buy a new wardrobe.  I've started shopping, and buying new things to wear to the gym, and reorganizing my closet and drawers.  I saw some great things at St. John and Saks.  I visited Alice's Hair on thursday and had my hair cut and colored.  She did a great job.  I'm indulging in my gym membership 4-7x/week and eating healthy.
• I am using all those terrific Estee Lauder products on my face, taking care of my skin.  I think I see a difference already!
  

Thank you very much to everyone who responded so thoughtfully and generously to my question!!  If you're reading this, I want to hear from you too.  Let's create a great big list of inspiring ideas for a fun, juicy, ALIVE year!  A list we can refer back to when things get dull.  This post is turning into a book, so I'll stop here.  In the next post, I'll say what I'm planning to do!

(Hey, I want to give credit where due.  I created the collage in the pic, but that marvelous photo of the little girl with all the hula hoops is by Dennis Mosner.)

Julie, Julia and an Enthusiastic, Sensual Life

Last night a friend and I saw Julie & Julia, based on Julie Powell's blog about working her way through Mastering The Art of French Cooking, and Julia Child's autobiography My Life in France.  Great little film.  Interesting contrast between the lost-but-plucky Julie (Amy Adams) making her tentative way in post-9/11 Queens, and the larger-than-life Julia Child (Meryl Streep) vigorously embracing her new life in Paris.

Streep was a delight as Child.  The sight of her descending upon unsuspecting little Parisians, whooping "BONJOUR!", was priceless.  As were the scenes of her and her sister (played by Jane Lynch) hamming it up as big, loud, exuberant American gals in a sea of small, neat, contained, elegant people.  I'm 5'9", so the sister's great line, "you're too big to fit in .... so you don't!" went straight to my heart.  She didn't just mean physical size, although that was part of it.  She was talking about enthusiasm, appetite, the willingness to be herself on a grand scale and take up space.

Watching Child / Streep, I was struck by how sensuality and enthusiasm go hand in hand, and how together they create a powerful point of attraction.  We're so used to the over-processed, pre-packaged offerings that Madison Avenue and Hollywood have told us are sensual.  Young, thin, beautiful, vacant-eyed, still, cookie cutter creatures with puffy lips and chiseled abs.  It's easy to forget, until we see Streep cutting loose as Child, launching herself at everything from a plucked duck to her beloved husband Paul, that real sensuality comes from enthusiastically enjoying all that the senses have to offer.  The word "enthusiasm" comes from the Greek words en(within) and theos(God).  It means literally within God, running that big life-force energy.  This sensuality is about life, passion, movement, and is available to everyone regardless of age or physical appearance.  It's entirely an inside job.

In parallel, the film was a reminder that we are also in danger of mistaking over-processed, pre-packaged "food products" for actual food.  Yet they lack the same qualities as the images mentioned above: life force energy, sensuality, the ability to truly nourish us body and soul.  The truth is I'm not a big cook.  I do it quite well, but not often.  However, I do delight in eating well, and am drawn to people who love to cook and appreciate the pleasures of the table.  In their company and kitchens, I feel grounded.  Inspired.  Cared for.  My favorite blog these days belongs to my friend Dana Joy Altman.  She's a "real food activist" and a regular Huff Post contributor.  Her blog is a continuous celebration of great food -- it's tastes, scents and visual beauty, as well as the memories and emotions it evokes.

In closing, I have three things to say:

1. Enjoy the film
   
2. Live large
3. BON APPETIT!

Valentino, Beauty, Passion and Soul

Yesterday I saw Valentino: the Last Emperor, a documentary about the legendary couture designer Valentino Garavani and his life and business partner Giancarlo Giammetti.  The film was surprisingly funny and touching, showing us the tetchy genius behind the smooth exterior as he contemplated the end of his magnificent career. It also provided a thrilling peek into the lives of people with great wealth, glamour, and privilege.  I was particularly moved by his life-long passion for and commitment to beauty.  Beautiful women, clothes, dogs, living quarters.

The eye-candy was, of course, spectacular.  The sight of his chateau near Versailles was worth the price of admission.  Today I am left dreaming of perfectly tailored clothes in the finest silk and cashmere, sleek cars and yachts, and opulent homes.  (As well as an adorable and patient life partner to take care of all the practicalities, but that is perhaps another blog posting.)

But curious about why I was so touched by the film, I have been musing and reading today about the importance of beauty in our lives.  According to psychotherapist and former Catholic monk Thomas Moore, in Care of the Soul (pp 278-280), our souls actually love beauty.  Why?  Because beauty:

1. Invites us to pause in contemplation.  “Beauty is arresting.  For the soul, it is important to be taken out of the rush of practical life for the contemplation of timeless and eternal realities.  …. A vacation from ordinary activity in favor of a moment of reflection and wonder.”
2. Feeds the imagination.  “Soetsu Yanagi, founder of Japan’s modern craft movement, defines beauty as that which gives unlimited scope to the imagination; beauty is a source of imagination, he says, that never dries up.”
3. Inspires passion.  “An appreciation for beauty is simply an openness to the power of things to stir the soul.  If we can be affected by beauty, then soul is alive and well within us, because the soul’s great talent is for being affected.  The word passion means basically “to be affected”, and passion is the essential energy of the soul.”

In his book Beauty The Invisible Embrace, late theologian John O’Donohue invites us to invoke and awaken beauty as a way to navigate the crises we face in the world.  He echoes Moore regarding the importance of beauty in our lives.

“The human soul is hungry for beauty; we seek it everywhere – in landscape, music, art, clothes, furniture, gardening, companionship, love, religion and ourselves.  No-one would desire not to be beautiful. ….  In the experience of beauty we awaken and surrender in the same act.  Beauty brings a sense of completion and sureness.  Without any of the usual calculation, we can slip into the Beautiful with the same ease as we slip into the seamless embrace of water; something ancient within us already trusts that this embrace will hold us.” – p. 2

So there’s Valentino, 45 years in the seemingly silly world of surfaces, socialites, and supermodels, living a life that is more consistently and deeply soulful than many of us ever achieve.  That’s interesting.  And maybe it’s part of why people are responding with such pleasure and appreciation to the film: because the radiance of his well-tended soul, and the beauty he has dedicated his life to creating, nourish us also.  Thinking about Valentino, I am reminded of those wonderful lines from Rumi:

“Let the beauty we love be what we do.  There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.”

Just for Laughs

Is there anything in the world better than laughing your ass off?  I think not.  Laughter reduces stress hormones, and improves blood pressure and oxygenation, immune response, memory, and creativity.

So the Just for Laughs comedy festival is in town, and I'm all over it.  Friday night I attended the Sarah Silverman and friends gala, and last night was the John Cleese - Britcom gala.  By gala, I think they meant multiple comedians.  They were certainly not referring to the luxury seating at Massey Hall.

Silverman et al

Friday night was a mixed bag, and it's got me thinking about what makes something funny.  Headliner Sarah Silverman was a disappointment.  On and on about how disgusting cunts, pussies and vaginas are -- the words and the body part.  Her self-loathing on the subject evidently knows no bounds, and stopped being funny after the first 90 seconds.  Ten minutes later .... you get the picture.  Louis CK, on the other hand, was absolutely genius in his ability to describe aspects of our experience so mundane that we have lost sight of them, in ways that were screamingly funny and also achingly close to the bone.

There's no denying that some great comedy comes from its shock value.  Taboo topics.  Curse words.  Mirrors held up to reveal uncomfortable truths.  Saying stuff that everybody thinks but most lack the courage to say. 

But what Friday night illustrated for me is that shock value is never enough.  Yeah, we're shocked that one of the comedians imagined he could make pedophilia funny.  And that Sarah Silverman was happy to riff on the smell of her puberty-stricken niece's gym shorts.  But I'm afraid that all I could muster in response was deep grief for the girl whose own Aunt had no qualms about skewering her with such a humiliating story in front of hundreds of people.  And I suppose that the song that consisted of 100 or so repetitions of the word "cunt" was shocking for a moment before it got tired.

Shock becomes brilliant comedy when it is connected in a real way with some darker aspect of our experience.  Like the one comedian telling about the time he chased a woman at 2am in the New York subway, and how in retrospect his intentions might have been misunderstood.  Or Louis CK musing on what people said before "JE-SUS CHRIST!" became available as a uniquely fulfilling but still cringe-inducingly taboo cuss word.  "Well, I say, that was a HUMDINGER  of a crucifiction!"

Cleese -- Britcom

I've never laughed so hard in a two-hour period as I did last night.  These are some of the funniest people on the planet: John Cleese, Mark Watson, Gina Yashere, Ross Noble, Jimmy Carr, and Danny Bhoy.  A few of the highlights in a stellar evening included:

• John Cleese's surgically precise vitriol as he described his divorce from the unfortunate (or very fortunate if you consider the hefty settlement) Alyce Faye
• Gina Yashere on the subject of black people's disdain for recreation involving water, and how you know that economic times are tough when the Somalis are turning to water crime
• Ross Noble's manic Robin Williams-meets-Billy Connolly stage presence, and ability to improvise for 10 minutes with a pair of sandals that some schmuck in the first row had been unwise enough to take off
• Danny Bhoy covering everything from bank debt to cat-sick, to how the gorgeous, inspiring sound of church hymns is completely at odds with their theme ("God is great; we're shit"), to why the Scottish national anthem is perfect for people with Tourettes

The discerning reader may have noticed that my reaction to the two nights of comedy couldn't be more different.  With a few notable exceptions, the American comics relied heavily on swearing and shocking.  Which gets boring fast.  The Brits took their life experiences, and ours, and ensured that we'll shriek with laughter about them for months to come.